Teagan Camille, RN

Happy 1st Halloween, Monkey!

Two Months Old

Dear Teagan Camille,

You are two months old now, and I am sitting here wondering where the time has gone. I don’t even know where to begin. You have grown and changed so much in the last month that I don’t think I can put it all into words. I put you in your car seat and into the car one morning last week, and looking at you from the frontseat I was absolutely heartbroken by how quickly the baby-ness is leaving your face. You were wide eyed and looking around and at that moment you looked like a child more than a baby.

I am back at work now, and leaving you at Mima’s that first morning was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I wasn’t worried about you—I knew you would be fine with Mima. It was hard because I knew it was the first of many, many mornings that I would have to leave you for at least 8 hours. Many mornings have passed since, and it is still hard each time for me to leave you. But I know at the end of the day I will get to pick you up and see your heartbreaking smile and smell your yummy smelling head. And everyday I do.

I took you to see Dr. Stacy again yesterday. The nurse came in and asked if I had any questions or concerns. She measured your head and length. Your head was almost 15 ½ inches which put you at the 60% mark. And you were 24 ¼ inches long, which puts you at the 98% mark!! You are going to be really tall! You weighed in at 11 lb 13 oz. which put you at the 75% mark. You are a long, healthy, strong, beautiful girl.

The nurse told me Dr. Stacy would be in next to explain to me which vaccines you would be getting that day and then she left. I was sitting there holding you, waiting on Dr. Stacy, when you did it. You laughed at me. You really did. You were laying on my lap, looking up me smiling. I grabbed your little feet and said, “What is it?” And you laughed. A cute little surprised giggle. And then I said, “What is it?” And again, the cute, little, surprised giggle. And then I said, “What is it?” And you crammed your little fist into your mouth and then the moment was gone. I must have asked you ‘what is it?’ three million times in the last 24 hours, trying you make you laugh one more time, but you are simply not interested in it anymore.

Then the evil nurse came back with the shots and stomped on our happy day. She laid you on your back and held your ankles with one hand while she stabbed your chubby little thighs with the razor sharp needles. You gasped at the first one as your eyes spread to a mile wide. With the second shot you let out the first cry, a nice little warm up. Once the third shot was given, it was wailing time. You hollered and howled as I scooped you into my arms in an attempt to comfort you. I was chopped liver. You cried a heartbroken, dramatic cry for what seemed like an eternity. I whispered in your ear and rocked you in my arms, at this point trying to comfort both of us. You finally stopped crying for a second, as though you forgot why you were crying in the first place. And then I whispered, “Mommy’s sorry.” This must have been a reminder, because you turned on the tears once more. I finally got you calmed down and back into your carseat. I made a mental note as well: Daddy will bring you next time.

You sleep through the night. I am going to say that again, as it is totally worth repeating. You sleep through the night. At least six hours; sometimes eight or ten. I was thrilled by this at first, as now that I am working again, a full night’s sleep comes in handy. But you have been doing it for over two weeks now, and the middle-of-the-night bonding is something I really miss. When I put you into your crib some nights, I secretly hope you will wake up hungry before morning. You went to sleep around 8:30 last night and woke up at 4:00 this morning. I rescued you from your crib and changed and fed you. You fell asleep on my chest as I was burping you, allowing me to smell your head and feel your soft breath on my neck. As I sat there rocking you, I kept thinking: please, please let me always remember this moment.

It amazes me, and other people, too, what a good baby you are. You only cry when you are hungry. And I’ve heard people say that before, but I mean you only cry when you are hungry. And even then you usually give us a few warning grunts. You like to do everything. You sit in your boppy. You stare and smile and talk to the ceiling fan. You are mesmerized by the TV. Keiser freaks you out a little and your eyes get huge when he comes near you. But you smile when he licks your chubby face. You are so pleased by everything that I struggle to explain this aspect of your personality.

You are not reaching for things yet. So far, your hands are only good for sucking and pulling hair. You love to kick and coo and yell and dance with someone moving your arms and legs. You love to eat, and I love to feed you. When you finish a bottle, I take it out of your mouth and you lean forward and grunt. Every single time. You love to have people smile at you and talk to you and sing to you, and you respond with a huge, drooly, bubbly, toothless grin and noises that sound almost like laughing.

Thankfully, you have not lost any of your hair like I had imagined you would. It is still full and has grown quite a bit. Your eyes seem to get bigger and more captivating everyday. They haven’t changed completely brown yet, they are huge pools of dark gray. Your eyelashes have sprouted in the last week or so, making your eyes even more beautiful. I hoped you would have long eyelashes like your Daddy, and it pleases me to see them grow. People are actually starting to say you look like me, which I, of course, love to hear.

You are eating about 4 ounces every 3-4 hours. You have started recognizing your bottle and you squirm with excitement and smack your lips when it comes into view. You have been teething for a few weeks now, and anyone who dares hold you will walk away with more slobber on them than what’s left in your mouth. But I don’t know anyone who is bothered by it.
You are getting stronger by the day. You are not much for laying on your stomach, but when you do, you have your head up looking around. We discovered last night that if we lay you on your back and pull on your hands, you can hold your head up as we move you into a sitting position. We were surprised by this, as in the baby bible this is not expected until the fifth month.

You are still making the chuckling-grunting noise that I first fell in love with two months ago. You love to be talked to and have even begun talking back. You still move your mouth in silence, but once it feels just right, you let out the sweetest noises.
I am still learning from you. I am learning what worry, responsibility, happiness, gratefulness, family, and life are. Thank you for teaching me.

Love you, Mom

One Month Old

Dear Teagan Monkey,

You are one month old today, and changing so fast it makes my head spin. You have changed our lives in so many ways, and after only a month, I can hardly remember what life was like before you.

You are a beautiful, happy, patient, sweet, loving baby. You are much more patient with your daddy than you are with me, but I guess you just expect me to do know what I’m doing. Daddy can take as long as he needs to change your diaper, or change your clothes, or adjust your burp cloth, but you tend to gripe if I take more than 3 seconds. That’s okay—you had to get something from me.

You are at your happiest when you first wake up in the morning. You smile and coo then, like you are so happy to start another day. This makes me happy to start another day with you. I know I will have to go back to work soon, and I treasure every minute I get to spend holding, kissing, patting, feeding, changing, and spoiling you.

You were born with a head full of gorgeous black hair. It is soft and fine and curly when it’s wet. You like to have it brushed unless you are hungry, and then you would rather the brush be in your mouth. You have big, beautiful eyes, just like your daddy did when he was a baby. They are captivating and they demand attention at every opening. You have a cute little button nose and a round pouty mouth, both of which deserve to be kissed and nibbled constantly. In the last week or so your cheeks have gotten much fuller and you have developed a double chin. This pleases me so. You are absolutely adorable.

You had a long, skinny body when you were born, but it too has become fuller in the last couple of weeks. You have an adorable potbelly, and your arms and legs are getting chubby. You have long skinny fingers and toes, as Mommy and Daddy both do. Fine black hair lingers on your ears, arms, and back. You also have it on your face, between your eyebrows and your hairline, just like Mommy does.

You are eating about 3 ounces every 2-4 hours. You tend to eat more frequently in the evening, as though you are storing your food for the night’s hibernation. You took to the bottle immediately and we have not had any problems since. You don’t burp much, but you don’t spit-up much either, so it’s okay. You are a very gassy little thing, and you toot on Mommy and Daddy daily. We figure this makes up for the burping.

You initially didn’t love having your diaper changed, but you are starting to realize that Mommy always changes you right before she feeds you. So now I lay you down to change you and you start smacking your lips and sucking on your fingers. I realize when you do this that I need to speed up the process, as, like I mentioned before, you are not as patient with Mommy as you are with Daddy. You have been known to go through 3 or more diapers in a single changing, as apparently the cool air tends to cause you to pee. This took a little getting used to, especially during those middle-of-the-night changings. There was also an incident a few days ago that caused Mommy to use 5 diapers in one single changing, as each time I lifted your legs to wipe your bottom, you decided to poopoo just a little bit more.

You had your first bath when you were 11 days old. I was surprised by how much you seemed to enjoy it. You didn’t even cry. You did pee on Mommy though, as I was carrying you into the kitchen. That’s okay—I expected it. You have a bath every other night now, and seem to enjoy each one a little more than the last.

You love to sleep on my chest, and especially on Daddy’s chest. You sleep a lot, as all babies do, and you do very well at night. You slept in your Moses basket beside Mommy’s bed the first week you were home. Then Mommy woke up one night to find your face crammed into the side of the basket, and you haven’t been in it since. As for now, you sleep in your play-yard in the living room and Mommy has spent the last three weeks sleeping on the couch. You have only slept in your crib one night, but it was Mommy that had a problem with it, not you. I had a hard time falling asleep to begin with, and I had the monitor turned up so loud that I would wake up with every little grunt or sigh you let out. I know we have to start doing that soon, as Mommy goes back to work next week. It will be very hard for me, but better for both of us in the long run.

You are very strong. You were holding your head up for brief periods at a time the day you were born. You have gotten very good at it, and when I lay you on my chest or on your stomach you pick your head up and look around. You kick your legs a lot and swing your arms, too. We swaddled you a lot at first because you would throw your arms around and wake yourself up. You let us know very quickly that you are a not a swaddle-kind-of-girl.

You make the most adorable noises I have ever heard. You grunt a lot and even snort a little when you are hungry. When you are happy and have a full tummy you make a chuckling-grunting noise. It is music to my ears. I dread the day that you make that noise for the last time. You have laughed in your sleep twice and my heart exploded into a million pieces. You like it when Mommy and Daddy talk to you. You move your mouth in silence as though you are trying to find the way to mimic us without interrupting.

Mommy took you to your first appointment with Dr. Stacy September 1st. It was just a routine check-up. They weighed you, measured your length and the circumference of your head, and gave you an all-over exam. You weighed 8 lbs. 9 oz. Mommy was glad to hear this, as you were down to 7 lbs. 9 oz. two weeks before. You were 21 ¾ inches long, and the circumference of your head was 14 ½ inches. Your weight and head size put you at 50% on the chart (average). Your length put you at 92%, so we expect you to be a tall girl. You had a clogged tear duct in your left eye that prevented tears from draining properly, but Dr. Stacy said it would fix itself, and it has. We scheduled your next appointment and you go back on October 18 for your first round of shots. I wonder if I will cry more than you.

I am constantly learning from you. I am learning how to sit still. I am learning how to spend hours smelling your hair and stroking your cheek and patting your back and humming nameless tunes. I am learning to be patient. And most importantly, I am learning to be grateful.

Every little milestone you reach is a bittersweet event. As I give you your first bath, and see your first real smile, and put you to sleep in your crib for the first time, I become more and more proud of you. But it also makes me sad to know that this time is moving so quickly. You already look so big to me compared to the first day I met you, and you are a slightly different person every day. I marvel at every change and look forward to every new thing, but it makes me really see how quickly your baby-ness will pass.

You have exceeded my expectations. You are more beautiful than I could ever have imagined. You are absolutely delicious and I devour you on a daily basis. I love you more than words can say. You have truly blessed our lives.

Love you, Mom

Teagan's First Bath

I could hardly wait for that crusty little stump to fall off so Damon and I could give Teagan her first bath. However, once it finally did, we were suddenly overcome by fear, as neither of us had ever given a newborn (or an infant for that matter) a bath before. Luckily, Teagan seems to love bath time! She never even cried!

D-day

I was completely shocked when my water broke around 9:45 that normal Sunday night. I had just taken a bath and was stepping out when I felt that first gush. My plans on going to bed early and catching up on the sleep I had missed out on the night before went down the drain along with the water from my last bubble bath as a childless woman. I felt my eyes grow big and my heart swell with panic. I starred into the bathroom mirror for a moment at the terrified lady looking back at me. I attempted to dry off and put on my clothes as the second gush came. I needed a piece of gum to ease my anxiety. I wrapped one towel around my plump midsection and straddled another and left the bathroom in search of Watermelon gum.

Damon was sitting in the living room eating a sandwich. Such a comedian, he called out "Did your water break or something?" This of course is followed by a chuckle. I try not to encourage him. I look him right in the eye and nod. His next comment is not worth repeating. I tell him not to panic as he is freaking me out. (The roles are reversed a lot around here.) He begins asking me way too many questions. "What do we do?" "What do we need?" "Do we need to call someone?" "Where are the keys?" Sigh. I ignore his questions and scoot cross-legged into the bedroom. I'm not going anywhere without any clothes on. By this point I am trembling with fear, anticipation, excitement, and a little irritation, if you must know. I manage to change my clothes four times before giving up on the possiblity of actually leaving the house in dry clothes. Damon has called his parents, who are on their way to the hospital, I have called my Dad and Vicki, who are on their way to the hospital, and Mom has called me before I can call her, and she and Casey are on their way to the hospital. I give Damon the list of last minute things to throw into my bag. We finally gather ourselves as neatly as possible and head out the door.

We arrived at the hospital a little before 11:00. A nurse examineD me and I was dilated to a 1. I knew at that point it was going to be a long night. They took me into my room where I would have the joy of experiencing labor, delivery, and recovery. They hooked me up to all the monitors and gave me an hour to begin contracting consitently on my own. About an hour later they began the Pitocin drip.

This may be a good time to tell you how naive I was about labor. I watched all the Baby Story's and read a lot of books. I watched the women on TV do the breathing. I watched them pace the hallways of the hospital. Now, I consider myself to have a fairly high pain tolerance. Ha. By 1:00 a.m. I wanted to die. Breathing at all was barely an option. Any kind of breathing pattern was completely unrealistic. Walking the hallways? Please. I was walking the hallways of hell. Don't get me wrong, I could handle the contractions. But for every 90 seconds of strong contracting, I needed about 15 minutes to recover. Again, ha. The contractions were right on top of the other. I kept telling myself, "This is good. This is good. This means I'm dilating."

They checked my cervix every 1-2 hours and apparently it does not like change. I've lost all sense of time by this point, but eventually they asked me if I wanted some Stadol to 'take the edge off'. OK, people. Apparently circles do not have edges, because I was in a circle of pain and there was no edge taken off. I wanted the epidural really badly by this point, but they refused to administer it until I was dilated to a 4.

Finally, around 7:00 a.m., the angels sang. I was a 4. Epidural time. The epidural gives true meaning to 'hurts so good'. It was painful, but it was by far the best pain I have ever felt. Not to mention the best $750 I will ever spend. Once the real drugs were in, I was good to go.
8:30 a.m. Fully dilated. Time to start pushing. I remember hearing, "OK, Lacy, let's have this baby by 9." So, I push. And I push. And I push. One of the nurses gets the idea to try the 'towel trick'. My mother-in-law stands between my spread-eagle-legs and holds one end of a towel. I grab the other end and pull as I push. Nothing. One of the nurses takes my epidural button away from me. Apparently I can't feel anything. (Isn't that the point?) They give me time to rest and let the epidural wear down some. I remember hearing, "OK, Lacy, let's have this baby by 10." (Who's 'lets', anyway?) So, I push. And I push. And I push. One of the nurses calls Dr. Porter who threatens me with forceps. So, I push. You get the idea. I remember hearing, "OK, Lacy, let's have this baby by 11." Finally, Dr. Porter comes in around 11:24, makes a tiny incension in my nether region, and at 11:25 a.m. on Monday, August 14, 2006, out popped the most beautiful baby I have ever laid eyes on.